گذشته بهتر نیست، فقط مزخرفاتش یادمان رفته

‍ ✔️تاملاتی در گذشته ای که نمی گذرد!🔻
“گذشته بهتر نیست، فقط مزخرفاتش یادمان رفته” این را Tom Vanderbilt در مطلبی که در گاردین منتشر شده، نوشته است. این تعبیرهمان است که “فروغ فرخزاد” آن را به گونه ای دیگر می گفت:”گند محشری است”. زندگی آدم پر است ازاین گندهای محشر. تصویرخاطره انگیزی از آدم هایی که حالا فقط خوبی هایشان یادت می آید و اصلا نمی خواهی به یاد بیاوری که گاهی ازشان لج ات می گرفت، حرص می خوردی یا حتا می می خواستی سر به تن شان نباشد. تلالو گذشته اگر فقط بخاطر سخاوت مان به نادیده گرفتن مزخرفاتش باشد، باز هم این پرسش را در ذهن بی جواب می گذارد که چرا ازاین همه گذشته، آدمی فقط دلباخته بخشی از آن است؟ چرا این “عفو” بزرگ منشانه، نمی تواند شامل همه آن روزهایی شود که حالا اثری ازشان نیست؟
برخی فیلسوفان معتقدند که گذشته از جنس “نیستی” است، اینطور اگر باشد اما هنوز معلوم نیست که این “نیستی” دردناک و غم انگیز چه از “هستی” ما می خواهد؟ گذشته،آدم را رها نمی کند، شیرینی اش از تلخی اش، سمج تر و مصرّتر است. علم جدید این خیانت را شاید به آدمی کرده باشد که به همه احساسات تلخ ناشی از دست دادن ها، لقب “اختلال” داده. انگاری که آدمی موضوع مکانیکی طرحی است که در آن با هر لق و تقـّی، بلافاصله و ارشمیدس وار، باید داد بزنیم :” یافتم یافتم” و بعد رد قطعه ای را بگیریم که از کار افتاده و بعد سراغ جایگزینش را در یک انباری درهم و برهم بگیریم. علم جدید، اگر راوی صادقی در مورد دردهایمان باشد التیام بخش موثری نیست.
گذشته، از آن موجوداتی است که دست دادن های موقع وداع را آنقدر ادامه می دهد که خرفهم ات شود “زمان” چگونه از تو به تاراج رفته است. من درهرجای گذشته که جستجو می کنم از این همه خداحافظی، از این همه از دست دادن ها و از این همه شادی های مشکوک که عمرشان کمتر از تلوتلو خوردن یک حباب رنگی است و “حال” ام عرصه نمایش تظاهرات مستانه شان شده، اثری نمی بینم حال، عجیب حالم را می گیرد. اتفاقاتش مثل “پخ کردن”های کودکانه است، عشق هایش، صفرو یک اند، معمارانش هم به قول کیارستمی بیشتر هندسه خوانده اند تا نقاشی.غروب هایش هیچ حسی را در من برنمی انگیزاند، انگاری کپی مسخره ای هستند از یک طرح اصیل سفارشی برای پشت شیشه یک اتوبوس بنزمستعمل برای یک خط مسافرتی ازیاد رفته. آدم هایش هم همینطورند. چهره ها همه مثل کلاف درهم پیچیده ای هستند که ریسمانی را که به هزار تقلا مخفی کرده اند در جبهه پیشانی شان می بینی و کافی است که کمی آن را بکشی تا ببینی که چطور کلاف ها از هم باز می شوند و “هیچ” خودش را عریان می کند.
زندگی از یک جایی به بعد، حرفی ندارد برای گفتن، این را از هراس و سرآسیمه بودنش می شود فهمید، از آنجا که از “توقف و تامل” هراس دارد و دوست دارد مدام بین آدم ها وول بخوری ، مدام ببینی، مدام حرف بزنی، مدام دونده باشی، مدام بخندی و در جواب این سخن رمزآلود که :”خسته ام” بشنوی که:”زندگی همین است. اینجاست که “تامل” بختک “حال ” است و رسوا کننده زندگی درست در لحظاتی که درخشش گذشته با آن همه چیز مزخرف دورریختنی همچنان روشنای ذهن خسته و آزرده آدمی است. گذشته به خاطر حذف زائداتش، گذشته نشده، گذشته هرچه دارد از زائداتی است که “حال” نمی خواهد از دستشان خلاص شود و این همه را یافته های دلخوشکنکی می داند که عوض ان همه روز که باد با خود برد، در دامن پوسیده اش گذاشته اند.
اینطور می شود که حال ، حال بهم زن می شود و سخاوت آدمی مشغول گذشته و آدم هایی که حالا نیستند. راستش را بگویم گذشته ای که آدمی اینقدر حسرتش را می خورد، هم قبیله زمان و متعلق به روزهای ازدست رفته نیست، گذشته، کلکسیون حسادت برانگیزی از وقایعی مضحک است که تجربه “اول” اش اندک مایه ای از جدیت را هبه ات می کرد. حال اما هرچه دارد، از جنس ادعای وفاداری یک یار سست عنصر و هزار بار آزموده است و این است که آدم در “اکنون” همیشه حالش گرفته است!

23دیدگاه

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