خود معمولی

معمولی بودن میتواند سخت ترین وضعیت ممکن باشد در زندگی. مثلن؟ شاگرد معمولی بودن. قیافه معمولی داشتن. دونده معمولی بودن و خطاط معمولی بودن و استارت آپر معمولی بودن و معمولی ساز زدن و معمولی رقصیدن و دوست معمولی داشتن. منظورم از معمولی همان است که عالی نیست، اما هست. فرهنگ ایده آل گرایی تیغ دولبه ایست که می تواند آدمها را شهید کند. من مثلن. بعد از سالها درس خواندن ، کلاس رفتن ، انگلیسی یاد گرفتن و خیلی چیزهای دیگر. روزی که فهمیدم در درس خواندن معمولی هستم، برای همیشه کنارش گذاشتم دیگر برای ارشد نخواندم. وقتی که امین هم اتاقی دانشگاهم یک مبحث را با یک بار خواندن می تواند اشکالات مراکه بیست بار خوانده بودم را رفع کند به این نمی گویند درس خواندن . حقیقت این است که دوستم در درس خواندن یک نابغه بود و تمرین و ممارست من خیلی با نبوغ او فاصله داشت و من لذت درس خواندن را از خودم گرفتم تا خفت معمولی بودن را تحمل نکنم. ضعیف بودم آن روزها. دنیایم آنقدر کوچک بود که با بیشتر شاخص ها “ترین” بودم و این ترین بودن آدم را ضعیف و شکننده می کند.
شاید همه آدم ها اینطور نباشند. من اما همیشه درونم یک سوپر انسان داشته ام که دست به گچ بزند باید طلا شود. یک توانای مطلق که در هیچ کاری حق معمولی بودن ندارد. معمولی بودن شجاعت می خواهد. آدم اگر یاد بگیرد معمولی باشد نه درس خواندن را میگذارد کنار، نه دماغش را عمل میکند، نه حق خوردن در یک سری رستوران ها را از خودش میگیرد، نه حق لبخند زدن به یک سری آدم ها را، نه حق پوشیدن یک سری لباس ها را.  حقیقت این است که “ترین” ها همیشه در هراس زندگی می کنند. هراس هبوط در لایه آدم های “معمولی”. همیشه چیزی در آدم های معمولی پیدا می شود که برای ترین ها ترحم برانگیز باشد. مثلنِ ترحم، همدلی و هم دردی نیست ها. مثلن ش می شود جملاتی مثل آخی، بیچاره با این صداش آواز هم می خواند، بیچاره برای این دوستش شعر هم میگوید، بیچاره با این آی کیو فوق لیسانس هم میخواهد بخواند، بیچاره با این سطح زبانش خارج هم می خواهد برود و غیره. همینقدر منزجرانه و همین قدر دور از زندگی نرم و ناب و ساده ای که بین آدم های معمولی جریان دارد.
تصمیم گرفته ام خودِ معمولی م را پرورش دهم. نمی خواهم دیگر آدم ها مرا فقط با “ترین” هایم به رسمیت بشناسند. از حالا خودِ معمولی م را به معرض نمایش می گذارم و به خود معمولی م عشق می ورزم و به آدم ها هم اجازه دهم به منِ معمولی عشق بورزند
پ.ن:بد شانسی اینجاست که خود معمولیمون هم چیز قابل نمایش و عشق ورزیدن نیست

28دیدگاه

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